Hello again. I have some good news to share! As I shared before, I have been really distressed while I've tried to figure out how to make a living here in San Marcos. While living with this general attitude of worry, I found myself being overwhelmed by things that wouldn't usually get to me. However, in my craziness God continued to speak kindly to me. He kept gently reminding me that He was there with more than enough for me. Over and over he's shown me that it is okay that I don't know how to do life and that I can surrender to Him. It's not safe, but it's good to surrender to Him to steal the words of CS Lewis.

Last weekend I went camping with a superb group of friends in Llano, TX. The Metcalf grandparents spoiled us with good old fashioned hospitality. In one of Grandma Metcalf's magazines, I found this quote that I absolutely love.

In spite of illness,
In spite even of the archenemy sorrow,
One can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things and happy in small ways.
-Edith Wharton
A Backward Glance

I was blessed beyond measure this weekend with close friends, glorious weather and lots of love. However, it seems that after the best days I seem to struggle the most with walking out what I believe. Sometimes the old companion Lonliness settles in after a good time with friends.

Neverthless, I woke up on Monday and started the job search again. I found an add in the San Marcos Daily Record. A private school in Kyle is looking for teachers for their after school program. The clincher was the slogan, 'Get paid to play!' I can do that! By the end of the day I had applied, interviewed and been offered the position.

For some reason even after I received the offer, I felt confused and unsure of what I should do. I needed more hours than this job could offer to make ends meet. About 8 last night I went to Mochas and Javas, a local coffee spot, with my friend Katherine. I spent an hour journaling and trying to figure out what to do.

Father, please help me to understand the quality that my life in you will have. I think I have spent many hours trying to fix things in my life that should never be fixed. Perhaps I will have much of my days filled with heart brokenness. Perhaps I will never feel I am adequately making myself good enough for person A, B or C God. Perhaps I will always have more to do. Is it in these things that I am always reminded of the white flag I am waving? I am surrendered. I can’t do this on my own. I can’t do enough or be good enough.

So in this mindset I began to try to work on my applications again. I was still struggling to get anything done. Then a friend of Katherine's stopped by our table on his way home to talk. It turns out his workplace is hiring for 20 hour positions and my availability matches what they are looking for. I applied at his job this morning and I'm waiting to hear back. But that conversation gave me a peace to accept the after school teacher position. All in one day my hope was restored. God has provided yet again. All I could do was give up and at that place he met me with hope and clarity. Beautiful. We have a beautiful God!